Dear Lisa - I had similar feelings when I heard that girl sing. My regret was that she had such freedom and skill in singing at 16, where I am 29 and still have so far to go. I too was constantly being praised for and impressing people with my voice when I was younger, starting when I was 11-12. I just gravitated toward music, and had a great ear and learned really fast and easily. Everything was easy for me, and I raked in the praise and attention. Then, something happened. I stayed at my current level, while the people around me started getting better than me! Why? Because they had been taught how to work and persevere, where I didn't know how to do anything but rest on my talents and natural abilities. For whatever reason, I was never given those tools, that knowledge that there are goals, and then you work for them. Sounds crazy, but it's true. So what did I do when the going got rough? I just gave it up! And looked for the next easy thing. Over and over! Now I am re-entering university at age 29, starting from the beginning in music classes - Ear Training and Musicianship 1, Class Piano 1, etc. I auditioned for the BM performance major, but they said they wanted to start me out in the traditional BA program and see how I do in the lower division. Then I can re-audition for performance. Just goes to show my pretty voice alone won't just let me slide through whatever I want anymore. I think the only thing to do is mourn for the past you feel you've lost, and then get on with the present, because that is all we have! And beating yourself up NEVER EVER EVER helps with ANYTHING positive!!! So please forgive yourself. . all of us are always only doing the best we can with what we are equipped with - see what positives came out of your decisions in life. Also, see what the context was for you, and see what makes these decisions or actions understandable and how they made sense to you at the time. Most of us aren't just raving lunatics with no rhyme or reason to why we do things - even raving lunatics have reasons that make sense within their internal context! So it helps to understand what the internal and external context was at the time. Usually our actions and feelings are not so horrible and stupid as we make ourselves believe. Human beings make sense more often than not - you just have to look at yourself (and others) as a subject, not an object. Take care, Karena
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