---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: 28 Sep 2000 02:52:13 GMT
From: Charlie <placido21@a...>
From: Charlie <placido21@a...>
Newsgroups: rec.music.opera
Subject: Manners for Singers!!
In the October issue of the excellent "Classical
Singer" magazine, (where they were kind enough to print my letter complimenting
Nicholas Limansky on his superb article on live recordings), there is a most
interesting article entitled , "Manners 101 for Singers." Well,you can just
imagine what I am about to do......knowing me as you do. I will print IN CAPS
what the first part of each suggestion actually says, but after that, it's
every divo/diva for themselves:
1. THANK THE ACCOMPANIST "Gee, thanks for forgetting to transpose the "Che
Gelida" down a half step,causing me to crack..you ***F^%#&**!!!
2. TAKE A SMALL GIFT WITH YOU (referring to visiting a host family.) "Hello..I
brought your father a platinum wristwatch so he can sponsor me in my next
recital even though I have no talent."
3. DON'T HURT OTHER SINGERS. "Oh..I am so sorry...I didn't mean to step on
your face with my oversize boots just because you held that high C longer than
I did."
4. OFFER A RIDE. " Of course, I am not jealous you got the part....listen,
please get into my car with the tinted windows....and don't worry if the three
dudes sitting in the back look like they are the REAL "Sopranos"
5. TRY NOT TO SWEAR. " As my dear friend Eileen Farrell once
said,..eh...well..... I just cannot think of a way to clean it up!"
6. DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHERS BEHIND THEIR BACKS. " I am sure it was not Madama
Pastafazool who was seen groping Signore Mascalzone...or maybe it was..."
7. BE NICE TO THE CREW AND TO THOSE SINGING SMALL ROLES OR CHORUS. " If you
show me that shirt with that writing on it once more, I'll show you how NOT to
"survive the Battle!"
8. DON'T BE BOSSY. "Would you do me a great big favor please s'il vous plait
por favor and tell the director to go fall in a pile of doody".
9. SEND HOLIDAY CARDS. " Just wanted to wish you,Elizabeth Schwarzkopf, a
Happy Yom Kippur,and do not Passover it!"
10. DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES. " Are you three guys the ones they told
me to see if I wanted to play the game of Bob,Carol,Ted, and Luciano?"
So now..all you prospective and perspiring young artists...be sure to
follow these excellent suggestions..and you too can become the ruler of the
Queen's Navy...or at least sing the seventh unborn child in Frau or at least
compete in the Charlotte Church Scholarship Auditions for future clones of Erna
Sack.
as ever Charlie..never forgetting to take his new medication.
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