| From: B J <ihateegroups@y...> Date: Wed Sep 27, 2000 8:42 pm Subject: Re: [vocalist-temporary] OFF: never thought I'd ask this but...
| > If anyone has that internet joke file consisting of > kids' funny responses to music history questions
Here goes:
> CHILDREN'S ANSWERS IN MUSIC EDUCATION. > These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the > state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter. > > I can't reach the brakes on this piano! > ____ > Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make > a pleasant > sound once the animal is removed. > ____ > It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the > neck and shake > him in rhythm. > ____ > My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play > people seldom > play it. That is why I like the bassoon best. > ____ > I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would > tomorrow or Friday > be best? > ____ > Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra. > ____ > Tubas are a bit too much. > ____ > A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so. > ____ > The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose. > ____ > The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument. > ____ > Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types. > ____ > Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time > gets to be the > conductor. > ____ > The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up. > ____ > For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of > flute music. You just watch. > ____ > The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits > in the first > chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is elected > concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin > real good. > ____ > Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? > Answer: Yes. > ____ > Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I > both found > out and got in trouble. > ____ > A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard. > ____ > Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS! > ____ > Question: What are kettle drums called? > Answer: Kettle drums. > ____ > When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So > would anybody. > ____ > The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and > bass fiddle. > It has so many names because it is so huge. > ____ > While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves. > ____ > A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound. > ____ > Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just > stick with > the first name and learn it good. > ____ > Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras. > ____ > You should always say 'celli when you mean there are two or more cellos. > ____ > A tuba is much larger than its name. > ____ > A harp is a nude piano. > ____ > My favorite composer is Opus. > ____ > My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby. > ____ > Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the > Hatfields and the > McCoys. > ____ > Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago. > ____ > Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy. > ____ > A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps > on the odium. > ____ > Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he > would go a long way. And so he came to America. > ____ > I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say. > ____ > Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel. > ____ > In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one > he really > loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live > happily ever > after. > ____ > An opera is a song of bigly size. > ____ > Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is > unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until > they are dead. > ____ > Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of. > ____ > Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he > wrote loud > music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was > calling him. > I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and > later died > from this. > ____ > Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was > rather large. > ____ > John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present. > ____ > A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. > ____ > Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you > better not try > to sing. > ____ > Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
> > SUPPOSEDLY ACTUAL ANSWERS FROM STUDENTS ON MUSIC > > EXAMS > > > > The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was > > called pre-Madonna. > > > > It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just > > grip the neck and shake him in rhythm. > > > > Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing > > the > > same lines. > > > > Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. > > > > At one time singers had to use musicians to > > accompany > > them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now > > play themselves. > > > > All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't > > know > > exactly what they sounded like because there are no > > known descendants. > > > > Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the > > Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's > > Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and > > Gershwin's > > Rap City in Blue. > > > > Music sung by two people at the same time is called > > a > > duel; if they sing without music it is called > > Acapulco. > > > > A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. > > > > Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies > > sing. > > > > Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes. > > > > Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one > > between > > the Hatfields and the McCoys. > > > > A harp is a nude piano. > > > > The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is > > too > > tangled up. > > > > An interval in music is the distance from one piano > > to > > the next. > > > > The correct way to find the key to a piece of music > > is > > to use a pitchfork. > > > > Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips > > in > > the middle of playing a piece. > > > > Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the > > part you'd better not try to sing. > > > > I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say. > > > > Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was > > written long ago. > > > > My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a > > woman composer famous for her church music. > > > > Henry Purcell was a well-known composer few people > > have ever heard of. > > > > Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical > > compositions and had a large number of children. In > > between he practiced on an old spinster which he > > kept > > up in his attic. > > > > Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer > > of piano concerti.
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