Hi Everyone, I'm feeling really discouraged today and I’m using this forum to ramble hoping people who aren't interested will just delete before having to read through this whole thing! First of all I want to thank all of you who responded to my question about good undergraduate schools for vocal study! I wanted to respond to all of you individually but I've been really busy, which relates to this rambling.
Somehow I've gotten into being a full time private singing teacher, but I never really meant to. I've been teaching for over 20 years and in that time had 2 children and have been divorced so now I'm single and supporting myself exclusively with my teaching. I enjoy what I do but for the last 10 years I've had ongoing difficulties with vocal cord swelling because of over use.. too much talking, too much demonstrating without being careful, too much singing everyone's part at the church choir rehearsals.. the swelling will go down and I'll be okay or it'll go to the other extreme and be really bad, and I don't have nodules, anyway.. that alone has been discouraging. I've met a couple really good teachers lately that I wish I had a voice for them to work with. I "hear" my voice, the voice that is clear with healthy vocal cords, but that voice isn't there when I want it because of all the teaching and my own technique was never stellar. But, somehow I can teach, using experience with other students and what I've read in books and what I've salvaged from my past teachers and vocalist has been an amazing help in improving my teaching.
What I've come to today is I want to heal my voice. But, how do I even approach this task when I have bills to pay and 1 daughter in college and the other on the way and I'm paying for some of those expenses as well? Charge more money, take less students... these are suggestions I've been offered... I've raised my rates a little but I haven't been able to lessen the number of students... it's odd, they don't seem to care that my singing voice isn't very good... as long as I'm helping them sing better and they can see an improvement. But I don't like that! I want to be able to sing well! Or even be able to sing! I'm considering even flying out to Chicago to meet with a dr. who was recommended to me by Randy B... but, I'm afraid... somehow I wish I could come up with, or someone could help me come up with a plan where I could deal with the expense and time to do what I need to do to achieve this vocal cord healing but still be able to pay my rent and car payment and Sallie Mae loans. I just feel overwhelmed at the thought of trying to figure out a plan. The older I get the more I just want to be in a comfortable routine and not have to figure out anything. But I don't want to be forever the eccentric hoarse voiced voice teacher. I just finished teaching a lesson with a retired bakery worker. 42 years working in a bakery! He had a stroke and doesn't work, now he is focused on singing, singing hymns like Crystal Fountain and How Great Thou Art.. he has a huge big booming bass/baritone voice.. it's really good! And he's thrilled to know things like how to sing a legato line but still have good diction and dynamics and how to phrase. He's so happy after his lesson. I guess this is why I keep my prices low and teach so many people, because I kinda like seeing these people drive up in their beat up pick-up trucks with their dogs and their hymn books or beat up music theatre anthologies... but, it's hard on my own voice, right now.. if I could just figure out how to do it and still keep my own vocal integrity for my own personal enjoyment. I'm just feeling really depressed right now. I'm grateful for this list because who else would even understand? Deanna
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