On Wed, 6 Feb 2002, Ingo Duckerschein wrote:
> 1) Is this something that I can expect to happen at future auditions
> (i.e., am I predisposed for panic attacks now that it's happened once)?
Yes.
> 2) Any tips on how handle my nerves? I don't want another audition
> like this.
Well, there are a number of things you can do:
1) Prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare......... Basically, get
that audition aria package down so cold that you can sing it in your
sleep, sing it when you have a severe cold, sing it when you're in the
middle of a crowded shopping mall, sing it jet lagged, sing it while
lifting heavy weights, sing it during sex, sing it while being chewed on
by rats, etc.
2) Internalise the meaning of the arias, including physicalising the
character and the music. Presenting these arias should NOT be and act of
singing. It should be an act of expressing. You can only do this once
you've stopped worrying about (1) technique; (2) musical issues. Once you
get past the worries about these minutiae, you can start thinking entirely
about WHAT the aria means, and moreover, lose yourself in the meaning of
the aria. But this won't happen until you've done step one.
3) Learn not to give a s**t. To whatever extent possible, stop caring
about the outcome of your auditions. Stop caring what people think of how
you sing. Or, in positive terms, concentrate on the reason you sing: is it
to get approval? Then I've got a hint for you: there are many far easier
ways to gain approval in this life. On the other hand, do you sing to
express yourself, or because you love the music, or because you love to
play-act, or all three? If the answer is yes, REMEMBER THIS. Keep it as
your primary...no, your ONLY...motivation. You audition because you want
to get chances to play-act/express/be musical in front of people. There's
a huge act of ego that goes into this, and you need to develop the - for
want of a better word - arrogance that goes along with that ego. You
clearly have enough nerve to tell the world you are worth listening to.
Now you've just got to convince yourself of the same thing!
4) Breathe. Heavily. About 20-30 minutes before you go "on". Focus
on how your body feels. Start to obsess. Start to panic. Concentrate on
making that adrenalin surge. In short, pre-panic. I've been doing this
successfully for a while now, and what I've found is that if I can manage
to prematurely induce the panic attack some minutes BEFORE I have to sing
my audition, I can get a lot of it out of my system - basically, I'm
coming down from the attack, calm, a bit dazed, but also energised - not
by the sudden ONRUSH of adrenalin, but by the tail end of waning adrenalin
surge.
5) If possible, listen through the door at just how badly the other
auditioners are doing. Take a malicious delight in their intonation
problems, their breathing problems, their musical problems, their diction
problems. Be a totaly bitch (or prick) in your head. Even Charlotte Church
could do better than the poor jerk who is singing before you. And we ALL
sing way better than Charlotte Church! (This is the only time I give
anyone permission to be totally negative and uncharitable to other singers
- and the only person you can talk to while you're feeling this way is
yourself, silently).
6) Distract yourself if necessary. Take trips to the bathroom. Do your
makeup again. Chat with other singers. Chat with the person at check-in.
Read (something light). - OR, the alternative - CONCENTRATE INTENTLY on
your arias. Sing through them mentally. Envision yourself doing them well.
Feel in your muscles every movement you're going to make. If it's an
audition (like most, but not all) where you'll get to choose your first
aria, start getting into character about 3-4 minutes before you go "on",
and become that character inside.
Take on the persona, feel that character's muscle memories (and not your
own). Talk to yourself as the character, and react to outside stimuli as
the character. Walk into the audition room as the character, and respond
to the auditors as the character - and the minute you open your mouth to
sing the aria, it will be the character simply telling the auditors what
the character has to say.
7) Have a medical check-up. A big contributing factor to the intensity of
my panic attacks was the fact that I had Graves' Disease (aka diffuse
goiter aka hyperactive thyroid). Graves' wasn't
the cause of the attacks - that was purely psychological. But the severity
of the adrenalin spurts (which are what cause the shortness of breath, dry
mouth, shaking/trembling, etc.) was definitely affected by my thyroid
imbalance. Do I still have panic attacks? Not really. Do I still get
adrenalin spurts when I audition? Virtually every time. But since I've had
my Graves' cured, those spurts don't have even remotely as devastating an
effect. If you tend to have a high resting pulse rate, lose a lot of hair
(and are not a balding man), are constantly hungry, feel lethargic at
times, feel weakness in your upper limbs (arms and/or thighs), have a
family history of thyroid or adrenal problems, have "bulging" eyes (think
Susan Sarandon and Barbara Bush), an apparent heart murmur - any of these
could signal hyperactive thyroid. Get tested. It's defeatable.
8) Beta blockers. A controversial subject. Not an over the counter or
innocuous medication by any means. But I used them successfully for a few
years - ONLY taking them before auditions, and never at any other time.
Interestingly, when I had the Graves' I was prescribed beta blockers
because of my resting pulse rate of between 110-120 beats per minute,
combined with an apparent heart murmur (which disappeared when the
Graves' did). Interestingly, the panic attacks were also much alleviated
- and I didn't have to feel "guilty" (not that I ever did, but there are
those singers who do everything they can to make one feel guilty for
using beta blockers - though I doubt they'd ever do the same if one used
an herbal over-the-counter "sedative" tea to achieve the same effect)
because I was taking the drugs for a defensible medical reason (vs. being
a "weak" person - it sickens me just how judgmental some people can be
about others' weaknesses, and others' ways of dealing with those
weaknesses).
9) Don't audition too far above your current ability level. If you know in
your heart you're not really ready to sing in that regional opera chorus,
or to sing a major operatic role, etc. - do not audition for it. I say
this less as advice to help you with nerves and more as advice to help you
in the long run with your career. People have long and annoyingly
persistent memories which can make them very unimaginative and inflexible.
The director you audition for this year, when you're not really ready,
will - I guarantee - always remember you at this stage of your
development. It doesn't matter how many times you sing for him/her as you
get better (if he/she will even listen to you), there will be branded on
his/her tiny little mind an image of you that corresponds to that very
first audition. Either that, or the director who cannot possibly ignore
the fact that you've vastly improved when he/she hears you later will
consciously or unconsciously resent the fact that you've thrown him a
curve ball. I don't think I'm alone in having experienced this: there are
directors in this town that I have sung for repeatedly, year after year,
KNOWING that my vocal technique, musicianship, and stage presence have
noticeably and significantly improved each time since my last audition for
that director, and yet, not one of these directors who I made the error of
auditioning for too early has ever acted on their recognition that I am
now ready for what I was not ready for the first time they heard me. I've
had these directors "help" me in other ways - recommend me for concerts,
recommend me to other directors who haven't ever heard me, etc. But not
one of them has ever hired me for their own productions. It's as if they
somehow resent that I've improved. So my advice to you is, until you're
absolutely confident that you're ready to audition for the level of
company and size of role you're seeking, DON'T. Get your performing
experience at the community/amateur level first. For some reason, those
directors seem much less likely to hold...is it grudges?
Karen Mercedes
http://www.radix.net/~dalila/index.html
***************************************
What lies behind us, and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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