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From:  Margaret Harrison <peggyh@i...>
Date:  Sat Jan 12, 2002  9:28 pm
Subject:  Re: [vocalist] the PERFECT teacher

Lea Ann wrote:

<<Sooooo I may indeed take the low road and just say that I
have been hired for a new job and will be working during the
week and can no longer attend or something like that...I
think even if I were honest with her about WHY I no longer
wanted to take from her she wouldn't care. >>

But what if it gets back to her that this isn't true, that
you're studying with someone else? I never advise lying.
Rather, find a truth to tell that you're comfortable with,
and say it politely and tactfully. If the response is
negative, it doesn't reflect on you, but on the person BEING
negative.

This would also be good practice for you in future
situations where you have to talk about something difficult
but which you know has to be discussed. Like if you have
kids! Believe me, the more practice you can give yourself
in conducting these types of discussions, the easier it will
be for you in the future. And really, there's no down side
to this one. This isn't your boss or a family member or
even a friend. I find in preparing for a difficult
discussion, it helps to mentally run through the
conversation many times, over several days, imagining what
the other person might say and then how I'd respond. This
makes the actual conversation much, much easier.

I'm glad the lesson with your new teacher went so well. If
you deal honestly, yet tactfully with your other teacher
(not yet former, since she doesn't know yet she's been
fired), I think you'll be glad you did, because it will give
you a tremendous sense of accomplishment and personal
strength that you had the ability and courage to go through
with it!

That's my opinion, but it's based on LOTS of experience in a
large workplace, with many different types of
personalities. A month or so ago, I had to talk
face-to-face, outnumbered, with union representatives who
had concerns about an employee being fired and I had to
answer their questions and challenges. And admit to the
mistakes that other HR folks had made in the past involving
the employee, but explain why the action being taken was
still proper and legal. If I or the manager who was with me
had faked it the least bit, the union reps would have
sniffed it out, and the manager and I would have been chewed
up and spit out. But the union guys knew that the manager
and I were being honest and straight and polite, as we
always are. Even though they didn't like the outcome, as the
manager didn't back down on the decision to fire the
employee for unacceptable job performance and conduct, I
survived to deal with them another day, as my job requires
me to do. With my credibility and integrity (and pride)
intact. (Though I was very glad this meeting was on a
Friday afternoon and I had the whole weekend to recover!)

I'll leave with one more thought. If you don't tell the old
teacher a truth, doesn't that say to her that you're ashamed
of your decision? That you value her opinion over your own?
That you're afraid of her? Why give her that power over you?
In my opinion, doing the difficult thing now will prevent a
lot of grief in the future. You can do it!!!

Sermon over!!!

Peggy

--
Margaret Harrison, Alexandria, Virginia, USA
"Music for a While Shall All Your Cares Beguile"
mailto:peggyh@i...




  Replies Name/Email Yahoo! ID Date  
16457 Re: the PERFECT teacherDré de Man   Sun  1/13/2002  

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