Dear Ken,
Well, you are quite right in that you should never deliberately force your larynx to do anything it doesn't want to, and depressing the larynx will often do as you describe, and make the sound darker and more covered. Some people like that, but myself I like a young sounding, bright ringing voice. In any case, this sort of tone will carry much better and be generally more harmonious to the ear. Especially if you are a counter tenor and in the sort of repetoire that you do; you'd end up sounding like Dame Clara Butt, and that would be odd! (Incidentally, for such a huge voice, she had a humdinger of a trill)
I imagine (bearing in mind your repetoire, which I assume is lots of earlyish stuff/church/masses etc) that you would find it easier than you think doing a trill. Or something that is approximate to one. By the very nature of the counter tenor voice it would appear to be more flexible than say, it's baritone friend!
The state of almost relaxation is not something I can easily tell over the internet, but what the Hell, let's have a go! Try singing a very 'thready' breathy, hooty tone with not much 'support' (I enclose support in bullets as it's not a word I like to use, but however a student interprets is up to them: I prefer to use the word energised sound or sustain) Next, try singing two notes, I suggest a semitone apart at first in a very light fashion. Make sure there is absolutely no tension in the neck and just allow the abdominal muscles to do what they like; try not to impose any pressure there either. They will be working I assure you, so don't worry!
Now try to really listen to the wobbly sound in your head. Out of interest, the more rattlely (no idea how to spell that!) it sounds, probably the better. If you don't believe me, try recording your trill practise and then playing it back.
You might like to continue doing this for a while until you get used to the odd feeling (which it is). Practise only in the middle of your voice for the time being, and as you continue, try lowering the larynx just a smidge. If it alters the tone too much ie too dark, don't continue just yet. It's just a muscle memory thing that makes a trill work. Once the muscles know what they're supposed to be doing, they can 'tune themselves' in to the matter at hand.
The more you can practise this light and airy sound, the more 'balanced' the instrument will get. Then, and only then should you practise the same but with more daring! Use a mess di voce to try trilling. V. hard but good practise. Also, by singing in a larger tone. One of the other listers noted the Vaccaj exercises, and there is a fabulous vocalise incorporating some good trills.
I would be interested to know how you get on? If this made no sense at all, then I can only apologise. The best way to learn these things is, after all, from your maestro/teacher/svengali etc!
Best wishes,
Ian Belsey. Voice technician. Bromley, Kent, England.
ps. If I think of anymore bits and bobs offhand, I'll jot them down.
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