| To: vocalist Date sent: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 12:00:07 -0500 Subject: Fault Finding Send reply to: VOCALIST <vocalist>
Dear Friends, Sometimes it's really tough to figure out if you're going to offend, hurt or annoy someone else when expressing an opinion. We can believe our intentions are completely innocent and still manage to offend someone else. Should we just not ever write anything?
For every right to, isn't there an equal and opposite right not to? What is it that tips the scales of discretion versus indiscretion to one side or the other? Is it in the common good? Would we be as apt to say something that could be construed as offensive if the object of our humor were present?
OTOH, do we really want the world to be a place where no one is allowed to express anything because it might potentially offend someone else in some unforseeable way? We have free will don't we?
When is offense too easily taken?
Do we really want to exercise such freedom of expression that it exploits another human being's dignity or harms them in any way if we aren't certain about the sensibilities of each member of those within our sphere of communication?
Could it be a matter of intent?
The physicians says "First do no harm." I think that's a correct sentiment, but not quite complete enough. I believe it ought to be "First intend to do no harm." But intent is so hard to prove isn't it? And it's so easy to intend to hurt and cover it up later by lying and claiming innocence.
Some people are even adept at lying to themselves about such things.
Intent does begin to be observable over a sufficient length of time. For instance, if nearly every time one posts to this list, another poster, always the same guy, picks apart, twists your words and refuses to even try to understand your intent, it becomes pretty apparent after a while that they intend to ambush you or make you look as bad as they can every chance they get simply because they dislike you for some reason.
I confess, I don't understand why that kind of person does such things. Maybe they feel that by humiliating or denigrating someone else, they will appear to be better in some way? Maybe they came from a home environment where such behavior was the norm, Perhaps they simply don't know any other way? Maybe they're evil? Though I don't believe anyone is completely evil.
Bottom Line: There are those who post to serve the general good and there are those who post to serve only themselves. It's a matter of intent and we all pretty much can figure out who has such intentions. I must also confess that I believe little can be done to change the thinking of the self serving. One can always hope though.
Nobody's perfect, least of all me.:-) True Story: A few months ago, I was at a rehearsal and was swapping jokes with a fellow cast member. Without thinking, I started to tell the old joke about the one-eyed guy (one of his eyes is wooden) who's therapist sends him to a dance to help him get over his shyness because of his wooden eye. He sees a cute little club footed girl across the floor and finally works up the pluck to ask her to dance (thinking to himself that she's less than perfect, like him). He asks her to dance and she replies "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I!!!!" Which causes him to scream "Club foot! Club foot!". Just as I finished the joke, I turned back around and noticed that one of the people in the room, two seats away, had a withered arm and was looking at me with the strangest expression of disappointment and compassion I'd ever seen. I felt so bad, I was sick to my stomach. The man is a member of my church. He has since treated me as if it never happened, apparently forgiving me even when I've had a tough time forgiving myself. What if it hadn't been him there and someone else who was justifiably bitter and less forgiving?
I hope we are all intelligent and mature enough to understand the difference between laughing with, laughing at and that it is often determined by our circumstances. If there's a chance that anyone in our audience could be offended, and we know about it, should we plow right on ahead?
BTW, my son was recently rediagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder instead of Bipolar Disorder. He struggles bravely every day and I'm proud of him.
It is better to be flawed and compassionate than perfect and without compassion.
Peace on earth, to all people of good will! Warmest regards, Les
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